Only a Goodbye

写真で見たの
I saw it in pictures
たくさん
in many pictures


私がアメリカを離れてから
The Serbian girl you've fallen in love with
あたなが恋に落ちたセルビアの女の子は
after I left you and the States
深い海のような蒼い目の色をしていて
has blue eyes like the deep ocean
お酒と煙草がとてもよく似合う
has a style that suits cigarettes and alcohols perfectly

私の目は小さなアジア人の目
Look, my eyes are tiny Asians' eyes
あなたが｢小さすぎて見えない！｣ってからかってた目
Ones that you used to mock saying "I can't even see them!"
私背も低くてなんだか子どもみたいでしょう
I'm short like a little child, you know
煙草も吸わないしWildでもSexyでもない
I don't smoke, I'm not wild, and I'm not sexy either



だけどあなたが大切で幸せで
But you were the man of my life who made me happy
誰よりも分かっていたから
I thought I knew you more than anyone else

そんな比較は意味のないこと
So...there's no point in such comparison



なのにどうして
Then why, if I knew it, then why,
さよならを言うときに
Couldn't I say "Thank you"
ありがとうが言えなかったの
When I said "Goodbye"?




あなたと同じ名前を持つ人が
I wonder how many people have existed
これまでこの世界に
in this big world of a long history
どれだけ存在しただろう
who had exactly the same name as yours



きっとたくさん
I answer, "Should be many."


私とは違う
People who had different from mine
でもあなたと同じ
but the skin of the same color
肌の色を持った人
as yours

おなじ髪のいろ
hair of the same color
おなじ目のいろ
eyes of the same color
おなじ背のたかさ
the same height
おなじ声のひくさ
the same tone of voice

そんな人がこれまでこの世界に
How many people like that
どれだけ存在しただろう
have existed in this world?



きっとたくさん
I answer, "Should be many."


でも私の心はあなたに出会って
But my soul and heart met you
間違えることなくあなたを選んだ
and chose you without any doubt or mistake

全身全霊の確信を持って
with all my heart
あなたを愛した
I loved you dearly



他の誰でもないあなたを
No one else but you





生まれてきて今まで一体どこにいたの
"Where have you been for 21 years?"
"What have you been doing without me?"

そう私が言って
I asked you so once

君は僕の人生を変えたんだって
"You have definitely changed my life."

あなたが言う
You told me that once







だからこの毎日は
So these days have been like

月も星もない夜空のよう
night sky without stars and moon
夢のない眠りのよう
sleep without dreams
虹の出ない雨上がりの空のよう
sky after rain without rainbows





長い一日の次の日は雨
The day after a long day, it was raining
彼の幸せを喜べない私と
Me who cannot celebrate your happiness
ソイラテのにおい
and a cold soy late




電話と涙と帽子とさよなら
A cellphone and tears and my hat and a goodbye
ちゃんと言えなかったありがとうは
The "Thank you" that I missed to say
もう２度と言えない
should never come out


今さらなんて
Because it's just...
格好悪いだけだもの
not cool



だから今はさよならだけ
So only a "Goodbye" for now
これが今の私の精一杯
I cannot do better than that now

Thank You

Why couldn't I say "Thank you" to who loved me more than anyone?

This elusive feeling is the obstacle I could not overcome.

I put myself over someone who I loved with all my might...

It was none of my plan I had before talking to him on the phone.

Believe me, all I wanted to say was a proper "thank you" and "goodbye."

Declare Independence

I'm not like the girls from the Balkans.

I don't smoke, I don't party, I don't drink (any more).

I don't have the same exotic eyes like they do.

I don't have the same brand of humor as they do.

I'm not wild, I'm not sexy, I'm not sociable.















I can't help wondering if i were like the girl he's fallen in love with, would i have to sit at a table at Starbucks at 7 am, wiping tears on my cheeks with one hand, holding an almost dead phone in the other, on February 26, 2010.





Believe me, there used to be one guy with long eye lashes, who could catch every tear drop poured from my tiny Asian eyes. Anything was consolable under his magic phrase "it's gonna be OK." Now I don't hear any of it.





It's time to jump out of a window of the castle and slay dragons yourself, princess. You've got to get a hold of your life, your time, and your happiness.

Simple and Clear

Time has passed without any notice.

And I haven't pulled myself up yet.

It's simple and clear: I wasn't good enough for him.

He has to tell me what was wrong about me.

Otherwise I can't move on like forever.

I beg you

please, please please please tell me

what was wrong about me

Someday

I wonder when I can clear this curse I put on myself last year.

A year ago, around this time, I made the BIGGEST mistake I could ever commit.

Someday it has to be righted by my own will, but now it just aches...this shit really aches.

Personal Attack

A lie completes itself when people believe in it...

Some people are eager to hurt others, which is quite bad enough, but the most troublesome case is that certain deeds with no ill-will can hurt you badly, too.

Plus, I need to take my remarks back. It snowed today. Pretty but I don't feel like appreciating it today.

Spring Comes w/ Sakura Steamer

I need to sleep to function well.

Waking up at 5:30 am and going to bed around 12 am...this routine is killing me. Always chased by assignments, and this is getting a bit too ridiculous. Just a week ago I was full of energy. But it's like the law of energy, remember? It's always decreasing:(

Spring is coming though. Starbucks has introduced one of their seasonal offerings: Sakura steamer! I tried it this morning (a las 7 de la manana), and...hum...I'm not a very big fan of sweet drinks:P

It was fun though:)

Valentine's Day

I used to think I wasn't fine enough

I used to think I wasn't funny enough

I used to think I wasn't wild enough

I used to think I wasn't sexy enough

To hold you in my arms

I wanted to say it out loud
because I wanted to hear you say "Don't be silly."


Now I'm the one who decides
Now I'm the one who says the line

Oh, and this line too...

Happy Valentine's Day & Anniversary! :)

Love,
Mikiko

Bit Too Much

I don't know where to shut a mouth when I face things that I strongly feel about.

Hmmm...it seems like I've hurt someone terribly because of my stupid tongue (or more of my typing), and what's more, it made one of my friends my new enemy.

First it troubled my mind, but soon I realized I didn't really care about it much. The thing is, when this kind of thing happens, which means you make yourself misunderstood (or it could be who you really are), what you do after that totally depends on how much you care about those who misunderstand you.

Luckily, those "friends" who I guess I made upset were not as important as some other friends for me. It's like you don't really care how strangers would look at you and think of you when you walk on a street.

I tend to speak in a harsh way to those I don't really like; I just feel like destroying them with words. And I know it's a devilish habit to have. Well, I can try to change it, but normally I'm totally peaceful and friendly.

Sigh, I don't know how to sum this up, so I just hold my tongue now.

Keeps Gettin' Better (and Better)

I've been busy, but everything is under control; it's an awesome feeling.

I wake up at 5:30 am, arrive at school at 8, study, attend class, do assignments, chat and laugh like shit with friends, talk to professors and hear them say I'm an excellent student, and then go home at around 9 pm. Dreams have to start before 12, otherwise devils will stay on my shoulders and they will kill me next day.

New discoveries and new people to get to know everyday. US History has been as fascinating as the last semester, Spanish is just fun and awesome (I'm good at picking up a new language, I believe), it goes without saying Art History is the kind of class that suits me perfectly, and Life Science is now the wonderful source of inspiration for my creativity.

I'm incredibly young, too young to give up on my dreams and happiness. Sorry, but you can't bring me down.

I love myself.

My life, "I" have to live it :)

Binge Binge Binge

The word "binge" never carries a positive feeling, and whenever I think about binge drinking, I suddenly feel old. I admit I love drinking, especially hard liquor, and I also consume quite a lot of alcohol at a time. But nowadays drinking like American college kids just seems not cool and even immature. To me, it looks like they believe drinking up a can of beer in 5 seconds deserves admiration from others or something. That's funny and silly, and very young.

It's simply not my way of drinking anymore. I'm an organic food freak and health conscious, but this is not only the concern about my health that makes me stay away from crazy drinking. I just had enough of it. Not sick of it, but enough of it. And I know this fact never makes me someone not cool, not funny, or unsociable. Now I want someone who can teach me how to drink in an elegant way. Wine? Hum...nice! Can anybody recommend a brand?

! I never fail to keep a bottle of vodka on my sacred alter (alcohol shelf) though!

Memento Mori

Nunc est bibendum, nunc pede libero pulsanda tellus.
Quintus Horatius Flaccus

We drink tonight because we die tomorrow.

It's Time to Be a Big Girl Now

Big Girls Don't Cry :)

In a Relationship

I didn't want to hear about it from anybody but you.

So break my heart. Right now.

My Sweetheart

The math and biology genius.

Extremely shy but funny.

He's the one who has coined

this greatest phrase the world has ever heard;

"Your DNA is sweet."

IRM

IRM by Charlotte Gainsbourg × Beck

Just in case nobody's interested...

Simply put, fabulous:)

The Big Rocks of Life

One day a wise teacher was speaking to a group of his students. He pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed mason jar and set it on a table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar.

When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, "Is this jar full?"

Everyone in the class said, "Yes."

"Really?" he asked. "Let's see." He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar, causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks. Looking carefully from face to face, he smiled
benevolently and asked again, "Is the jar full?"

His class was catching on quickly. "Probably not," one of them answered.

"Very good!" he replied. He then reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in and it went into all the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. When he was finished he once again asked, "Is this jar full?"

"No!" the class shouted.

"Excellent!" he replied. Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and poured it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Once again looking intently into the eyes of each student, he asked, "What is the point of this illustration?"

One eager beaver raised his hand and said, "The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard, you can always fit some more things into it!"

"Aha, that's very good!" the teacher replied, "But let us look a bit deeper. This illustration also teaches us a higher truth: If you don't put the big rocks in first, you will never get them in at all."
What are the "Big Rocks" in your life? Financial freedom? A project that YOU want to accomplish? Time with your loved ones? Your faith, your education, your business? A cause? Teaching or mentoring others?

Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first or you'll never get them in at all.